Monday, November 6, 2017

Tis the season!

So, it's college application season, and boy am I swamped.

I still tutor occasionally, and now I'm frequently getting panicked texts and phone calls from high school seniors and parents who see a looming deadline and realize that what Skyler or Trent wrote is complete crap and will most  likely lead to ridicule, not an acceptance letter.

Because I don't want my time wasted, and because I really can't spend three hours with your senior, rewriting what should have been written and edited a month ago, I'm jacking my prices way up.  WAY up.  You call me last minute to fix something that has to go out tonight?  Then you'll pay dearly for it.  That's the American way.

You know what's weird?  Not a single parent has argued with me about it.  Students have, but who cares what they think?  To be honest, if I were the parent and found that out last minute, I'd pay through the nose to get it written so little Amy can get accepted somewhere and leave the house and eventually be someone else's problem.  At least that's what I think is going on. 

It is funny when the student seems outraged.  One of them actually asked me why I was trying to profit from their misfortune.  I said, "You mean your procrastination and your idiocy?  You could have called me weeks ago.  Now you think I should give up my time and drop everything to help you out of the goodness of my heart?"  She actually said yes.  I told her she was lucky I like her mother so much.

So parents, a word of advice: Start looking at those essays in September.  Early decision deadline is November 1st.  For your sanity, you can't wait to see if Chad comes up with something brilliant by the last week of October.  If you do, I'll probably be seeing you, with a tired but mean smile on my face, irritation in my heart for your dumb kid, and my hand out.