Monday, August 8, 2016

Some assemblies required, unfortunately

“Teachers, please have students file quietly into the auditorium.”

Great, an assembly.  Students are usually excited to go to an assembly, but teachers are less so. 

First of all, assemblies are boring.  Unless the assembly is happening in an elementary school, I can guarantee it’ll be boring.  The purpose of the assembly is either something related to grades or discipline that needs to be discussed school-wide, or it’s a “special” assembly, where topics like bullying, suicide or fundraising will be showcased.  Either way, the speakers won’t be that engaging or exciting.  They’re just narrating a PowerPoint, or else introducing a short film that won’t make an impression. 

For a teacher, assemblies suck.  You’re basically crowd-control, and the school already has security guards who also don’t want to help out in the assembly.  This is the time where you have to keep telling students to turn around, be quiet, and put that phone away, Bjorn, or else it’s going to be mine.

Some teachers carefully slip out of assemblies and let the other teachers pick up the slack.  I’d do this myself, but with my luck, I’d get caught.  Plus, I figure it’s not fair to dump what we all don’t want to do on someone else.

I fondly remember the time when assemblies were fun, but that was when I was in school.  It was something different to get us out of class.  I could sit by my friends and be obnoxious; at least until the teacher moved me.  I never could figure out why my teachers seemed so short-tempered once we entered the auditorium.  

So during most assemblies, I wander the aisle, trying to look official while simultaneously trying NOT to stare at the clock.  If I’m lucky, I might get to escort a rowdy student to the principal’s office, which means I get a walk, a trip to the water fountain and maybe even a short bathroom break.  The student always wonders why the teacher who is escorting him or her seems so suddenly upbeat. 

“Miss, are you happy that I’m getting in trouble?” said student usually asks.

Maybe I'm not EXACTLY happy, but still...